


Stormtrooper in Stilettos

by gardenlodge



Category: Freddie Mercury - Fandom, Garden Lodge - Fandom, Queen (Band)
Genre: Gen, M/M, garden lodge, idk what this is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-07
Updated: 2019-06-25
Packaged: 2020-04-12 09:56:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19129699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gardenlodge/pseuds/gardenlodge
Summary: Freddie convinces the Garden Lodge boys to have a night out in drag.





	1. i

_(circa 1987, after shooting The Great Pretender)_

"Darling? Jimmy? I'm home!"

The same phrase Freddie always called when he arrived home rang through the house, and it made Jim smile. He stood up and went to meet his husband at the door, greeting him with a kiss.

"You're back late!" he commented. Freddie always tried to give him a rough idea of when he'd be home in case they wanted to spend time together in the evening, but he very rarely stuck to his plans.

"The shoot just ran over! Honestly, I'm exhausted. I can't wait for you to see the final thing though, you'll think it's hilarious!"

The couple headed through to the living room where they sat down together. Jim had already poured Freddie a drink in advance as he always did, so Freddie knocked it back quickly before taking a cigarette from the packet on the side table. He held it between his teeth while he put a record on the turntable and set the needle down to play, before striking a match and lighting his own then Jim's.

Freddie settled against Jim on the sofa and took a draw of his cigarette before saying "I did have fantastic fun though."

Jim simply hummed to show his interest in the conversation. He tended to let Freddie do the talking in their time together, and just enjoyed listening.

"We all dressed in drag for these little scenes we were filming... Me, Rog and Peter I mean. You should have seen us dressing up in all the costumes when we were getting ready! I could hardly breathe for laughing."

Jim smiled and stroked Freddie's hair with his fingertips, "it sounds like great fun, sweetheart."

The couple lay and stayed silent for a while, just enjoying the record. Before long, Freddie had another thought; "I'd like to do it again, really?"

Their conversation is interrupted by Joe coming in to check up on Freddie after his long day.

"Your dinner's in the kitchen. If you want it, I can heat it up right now?" he offers, perching on a seat next to them.

"No, no, we got a burger on the way home."

Joe rolled his eyes and asked "so.. What were you giggling about?"

"We were just talking about my drag today! It was so much fun, Liza, we must do it together one day. And Phoebe, and you, Miss Lauren!"

Jim shook his head quickly, "definitely not for me. I'm a man, and a man I'll stay."

Freddie laughed and kissed his cheek "you'll jump into your frock and heels when we have the best night out ever and you're the only one not joining in!"

The three stayed up chatting and laughing together a while longer before Freddie declared it was time for bed. The couple wished Joe goodnight before heading to their room, where they undressed and climbed into bed together.

"So... Are you really sure you don't want to come out with us?" Freddie turns away from Jim, shuffles back against his front and brings one of his arms around his own torso, "Joe seems up for it and you know Phoebe will be."

"I'll see."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi i never share my work and i wanted to give it a go so i hope you enjoyed this, i'll try and do another chapter soon! feel free to comment any ideas/requests/whatever okay thank u!!!


	2. ii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim is reluctant to join in the fun.

It had been a long day of gardening for Jim. He'd recently bought new flowers (Freesias, Freddie's favourite) and had spent all afternoon on in the heat planting them. He took his boots off at the door so as not to tread mud into the gleaming kitchen and headed straight for the kettle.

"Jimmy!" a voice from behind him startled him and nearly caused him to drop his mug, "are you finally done out there? I've been waiting for hours!"

"Freddie, I nearly.." Jim began as he turned around, but words failed him at the sight he was met with.

Freddie had a full face of make up, including long false eyelashes and a red lip, and he was tottering slightly on his glittering red heels. Framing his face was a rather bright crimson, curly wig, and a dress (also red and sparkly) clung to every curve of his torso before cutting off rather high on his thighs, showing off a pair of suspenders.

"Dear God!" Jim nearly fell over, "what the fuck are you doing?!"

"Surprise!" Freddie laughed and shuffled forward to hug his husband before waving his hands in his face, "look, I got my nails done too!"

"You look very... red?" Jim stammered, and Freddie simply laughed.

"Come on, there's more", he beckoned and headed out of the kitchen. Still in shock, Jim followed Freddie into the main living room.

In front of the huge mirror stood Phoebe in a green dress, much more modest than Freddie's. He was also wearing heels, though not as high as Freddie's either, and a light touch of make up with a brown wig. He fussed with his eyelashes in the mirror and complained "Freddie,  these are definitely not going to stay on all night!"

"Never mind that, you miserable bastard, Jim's back! Make yourself useful and fetch the outfit", Freddie replied and waved at Joe excitedly.

He was sat on the sofa with his legs propped up, looking almost too comfortable in a black corset with suspenders that matched Freddie's. Reluctantly, he tore his eyes away from the nails he was busy painting pink, shook his new blonde bob out of his eyes and nodded to Jim.

"Am I dreaming? I have to be dreaming", Jim mumbled and pinched himself. Freddie simply laughed, and Phoebe arrived back with the bag from their shopping earlier that day.

"Look inside! It's for you", Freddie grinned, handing it to Jim.

Phoebe took a seat next to Joe on the sofa and the men (or rather, women) watched Jim place the bag down on an armchair to empty the contents. He first took out a light brown, gently curled wig, and immediately put it back out of sight.

"I'm not doing drag! I'm a man. Look at me!" he stepped back and gestured to his dirty work clothes.

"Of course you are..." Joe reached into his gardening belt and snatched a packet of flower seeds before Jim could stop him. Jim growled and snatched them back as the others laughed lightheartedly.

Freddie wrapped his arms round Jim's neck and pecked his lips, "of course you're a man, baby, my man... Who I happen to have bought a lovely outfit for to wear on our amazing night out!"

-

An hour or so later (after much persuasion and complaining from Freddie) Jim stood in front of the mirror staring at his new drag persona. He tugged at the purple, sequined dress Freddie had picked out for him, trying to stretch it just a bit longer, but it was no good.

"Now... For the finishing touch!" Freddie grinned and waved a razor and shaving foam at Jim.

"No way, you can't take my moustache!"

"Come on! What's going to look more ridiculous; a man in a dress with a moustache, or a gorgeous, clean shaven woman?" he asked, then sighed "besides, it'll grow back."

Jim paused to consider for a moment before grumbling "I'll never forgive you for this, Freddie."

"It's Melina, darling."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you enjoyed this chapter, i certainly had so much fun writing it! as always, feel free to comment any feedback or requests


	3. iii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim gets a surprise

"Here, darlings!" Freddie beckoned his small gang to a table in the bar. They sat down together, and Jim grumbled. Freddie shook his head "you're so miserable, sweetheart. Go on, cheer yourself up and get your annual round in."

Jim flipped Freddie off as he stood up, but he couldn't help laughing a bit at the ridiculousness of the whole situation. He stumbled a little on his heels, and Phoebe grabbed his arm to steady him. "I'm fine", insisted Jim, tugging his arm away and staggering to the bar.

"Just... Four gin and tonics", he asked and leaned against the bar.

"Coming right up, the bartender nodded and went to make the drinks.

Jim fumbled absentmindedly for the box of silk cut cigarettes (which he usually kept in his sleeve, but for tonight, his bra had to do). He was about to take one from the box, when he felt a hand on his backside, and a low voice said "you here alone, sugar?"

He jumped and turned around. In front of him stood a tall, stocky man in a vest and jeans. "No I'm not! Don't put your hands on me again, got it?" Jim retorted. He must be wrecked if he actually thinks I'm a woman, he thought to himself.

"That's a shame.. It's rare you find an attractive woman around here."

Back at the table, Freddie sighed "he's taking forever! Besides, this place is dull, I just want this drink then we're moving on". Phoebe and Joe rolled their eyes, but they were used to Freddie dragging them from bar to bar by now. Freddie stood up and went to hurry his lover on.

"Pardon?!" Jim exclaimed in shock. The man merely shrugged and went to put his hands on Jim's waist, just as Freddie arrived at the bar. Met with the sight of his husband being touched by another man, he was filled with rage.

"Excuse me, do you make a habit of flirting with other people's husbands?!" he stormed over to the man.

"Husband?" the man mumbled and frowned in confusion, but he didn't have long to think about it before Freddie smacked him clean across the face, resulting in him losing his balance falling to the floor.

Freddie turned on his heel and stormed away out of the bar just as the drinks arrived. Jim looked between him and the barman hopelessly for a moment, before sighing and handing over the money.

"Just keep the change."


	4. iv

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim tries to make things up with Freddie

Jim re-opened the front door to Garden Lodge that had just been slammed in his face, and went to follow Freddie up the stairs.

"Freddie, stop being so fucking dramatic! The bloke was clearly legless, he thought I was really a fucking woman, for crying out loud!" he shouted.

Freddie turned around and screamed "fuck off! Get out of my house!" before heading to the bathroom and locking the door behind him. Defeated, Jim went off to put his pyjamas on and get himself a drink from downstairs.

+++

"Freddie... are you still in there?" a voice called from outside the bathroom.

"No", Freddie mumbled. Sitting in the empty bathtub alone with his legs dangling over the edge, he wallowed in his bitterness about the fact that someone else felt Jim up that night.

"Let me in? Please", Jim tried to sound gentle. Although he was pissed off that Freddie was angry with him for something that wasn't his fault, he did want to make things better between them all the same.

There was a pause, before Jim heard the clicking of heels on the floor tiles and the lock opening. Jim stepped inside, and Freddie huffed and went back to his rather uncomfortable position in the bath.

"Freddie... darling?" Jim walked over cautiously and climbed into the bath beside Freddie. He dangled his legs over the side too, and looked over at him, though he didn't look back just yet.

"You cheated on me!" Freddie complained after a moment and crossed his arms.

"Don't be silly, it was just some drunk man being a prick! And he was ugly anyway."

Freddie couldn't help smiling a little at Jim's remark. He looked over at him, but looked away again and went back to his frown, too stubborn to give him the satisfaction of being forgiven straight away.

"You're the only man for me, you should know that by now. Or should I say, the only woman", Jim joked a little, but he meant his words deep down.

Freddie glanced back at him and whispered "you promise?"

"I love you", Jim took his hand and kissed it.

Freddie sighed and nodded "I love you too, I... I suppose I did overreact a little."

Knowing that was the closest thing to an apology he was going to get from Freddie, Jim just nodded. "Now come on, let's get you into your pyjamas. We need some us time, and besides, this bathroom lighting is doing nothing for your contour."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think this is gonna be the end, guys! thank you so much for reading, and remember to check out my other fic! more to come soon :-)

**Author's Note:**

> next (and probably final) chapter really soon, thank you for reading, i’d appreciate any feedback/requests in the comments!


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